"First they mutilate you; then they poison you; then they burn you. I've been on blind dates better than that."
- Mood:
awake - Music:Jimmy Eat World - Pain
All existing lymph nodes are shrinking or are gone, there are no new tumors, and the area of concern in my liver is also responding well and shrinking rapidly. Combined with the blood test results I've been getting (CEA's are down to 3.3 and falling), I could be technically cancer-free by December.
On the flip side, I've discovered other things that my idiot former oncologist didn't tell me about, but they aren't anything to get excited about at all. Just general health things that he once again glossed over. I think I'll run him over with the car if I see him again. Just because.
- Mood: pleased
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
britgeekgrrl pointed out to me that Saturday (she came in with me to see the Fox Studios panel on "The X-Files"); "Keep in mind that your average gamer is actually a pretty social person, as they get together once a week or a couple of times a month and game with others. How often do you think any of these people actually get out and interact with...well, anyone?" Pretty cogent point.So no more comic conventions for me, I think. The once was enough.
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Got ahold of an actual person at Kaiser...finally. Long story short, between the insurance hiccup earlier this month and Kaiser's switching over to a new computer system, I fell off their active database. Thus, the no contact for weeks. However, it's all straightened out now, and I'm seeing the surgeon next Wednesday, and I'm being fast-tracked for surgery late in March. Further updates there as they come in.
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In other fun medical news, I seem to have a cracked bottom left molar. Where that came from is anybody's guess (probably from grinding my teeth at WonderCon). So I'm on antibiotics right now to get the rather impressive swelling down, and I have an appointment next week to have it taken out. I'm just all about the surgery this month, I guess.
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Couple of you are still waiting on me for several things (game related, personal e-mails). I'm getting to them, I swear.
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And because it looks like fun, a ( meme )
- Mood: drained
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The other day a friend and I were discussing ciders, and I told him about my favorite, which isn't imported over here (at least, anywhere *I* can find it). He'd never heard of it, so for him (and all the others that have heard me wax philisophic about it before), here is a description of "K" Cider. If anybody ever gets a line on where it can be found in the Bay Area, cut a brother some slack and tell me, would'ja?
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Still trying to get my shit together for DunDraCon, and I still don't have a surgery date yet. If the fucknuts at Kaiser can't give me a date by the end of the week, or if they try and schedule it so that it in ANY WAY keeps me from attending the con, we will have words. Words.
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This week we here at Casa Cthulhu got some new clothes and a new laptop, and next week we're getting some new (and badly needed) bookshelves. I think we've stimulated the economy enough, thanks.
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I think that about covers this week. Tune in next week for more of the same (with less of the spending money, but more whining about not being ready for a gaming convention).
(EDIT: The BevMo in Antioch supposedly has "K" Cider in stock. We'll find out tomorrow, won't we?)
- Mood: tired
- Music:Rogue Traders - Voodoo Child (Here Come The Drums)
britgeekgrrl's journal (and shame on you if you haven't), you'll know we've had some ups and downs lately, and those have kind of pre-occupied me as well. Hopefully I'll get around to posting more often, if only as a means of getting me away from the computer games I've been playing incessantly.However, just to keep you updated, I do have another surgery coming up sometime before the end of January. This time it's to get a small tumor off my liver. To add to the fun, my gall bladder will have to go as well, as the tumor is just pressing into it, and the surgeon feels it's better to be safe than sorry. I'm probably looking at three to four days recovery in the hospital, which won't be so bad as long as I don't get a next-door neighbor who screams all the time, as I did my last visit. In any case, I should be up and around in plenty of time for DunDraCon.
And that's all I've got to say about that.
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In other news (and this pertains solely to gaming), does anyone out there know of a really good wiki hosting site? I want to make some pages for my ongoing 7th Sea game, but I know exactly diddily about making and maintaining wikis, and I'd like the process to be as painless as possible. Help?
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Damn, but does watching New Hampshire Primary results rolling in make me want to run a West Wing-ish LARP when the Democratic and Republican National conventions kick off. Rent a hotel room someplace, invite all my LARP friends to wear their best power suits, and set up a couple of TV's to watch the fun as lobbyists and White House staffers.
I might have to give that some thought.
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Almost forgot. Got my mail-in ballot for the California Primary today, so that's my reminder for my annual "go out and vote, f*ckers" message. Ready?
Go out and vote, f*ckers.
- Mood: calm
- Music:Ben Foster - The Impossible Planet (Dr. Who)
I hurt like a son of a bitch in the abs (where most of the major surgery had to take place) and in the butt (for obvious reasons), my appetite is nowhere near what it should be (yet), and I haven't had a decent bath or full night's sleep in over a week.
And yet, all this pales in comparison to the fact that I'm home, and according to my doctors I've got an outstanding chance at beating the cancer in the five-year run. Yes, this means a few lifestyle changes - one of which is this baggy lump now hanging from my abdomen. And it means a few more months of discomfort as things slowly heal. But I'll deal. The alternative sucks.
Obviously, I couldn't have done this alone. I think I would have gone mad or opened up the morphine drip to full blast if
britgeekgrrl hadn't been there for me, and I thank God or Buddha or Coyote or whatever you believe in that she was there, and will still be there in my old, infirm age.I had no chance to see any of the comments you all left in
britgeekgrrl's various posts, but she told me about them, and it means a lot to me that you were all pulling as hard as you did for me. Many of you went those extra miles to fetch and carry things for us, watching the house while we were gone, and just coming by and holding my hand when I needed desperately to know that I wasn't alone. To all of you, I cannot adequately tell you how much you mean to me, but as I've been given more time on this earth now, I will try as hard as I can to do so in the years we have in front of us.I am now off to find a shower, some food, and my copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, so I can get caught up before the whole of western civilization grinds to a halt at Midnight on Friday. I might be away from LJ-land for a bit as I recover, but I'm here, I promise, and I ain't going anywhere. So I'll see you all soon.
Other than that he remains optimistic that given my reaction to the radiation and chemotherapy and how well the tumor reacted, my chances for non-recurrence are still very good. I still get more chemotherapy after the surgery - four months, to be exact, and not the pill form either but the full-on 5-FU infusion treatment. Joy. At least
logan_w might get his wish after all and see me losing my hair. I still like to remind him that, in my case at least, it'll grow back.The current plan is that on Tuesday the 10th, my dad will be picking
britgeekgrrl and I up from the house and taking us to Kaiser Walnut Creek, where he'll wait with Johanna until I'm out of surgery. What the plan is after that I have no idea, 'cause I'll be non compos mentos for a while (like, until Thursday if I get my wish). So if Johanna has said that it's OK to visit, and you do, don't expect much out of me except the occasional drooling and eye-rolling.I don't know if I'm going to be posting again before the big day - I suspect I will at least one more time. If I don't, though, then you all take care of yourselves, and I'll talk to you again sometime in the next three to four weeks.
- Mood: tired
So.
The date's been set. July 10th is now the day I go into Kaiser for my operation. Some of you may already know this from
britgeekgrrl's post yesterday.How'm I feeling? Mostly relieved. I've wanted to know the date for a while now, so I could get my affairs in order (get the house cleaned, get some bills pre-paid so that I don't have to worry about them...things like that) and get in the right mind set. And for the most part I *am* looking forward to this. Oh, the couple of weeks just after the surgery are going to be fifteen kinds of pure hell, but at least I know that it's the beginning of the end. From that date, I'll slowly start getting better and better, until maybe around Christmas I can finally put all this worry and pain behind me.
Now, that's not to say that I'm also not freaking out a bit. I've got some issues with going under the knife that stem back from an accident I had when I was six, and I had to go into the hospital for an operation. That time was pretty traumatic, and I don't think I've ever dealt with the psychic scars that incident left me. So I'm trying to find ways to deal with that in a hurry. Alcohol helps ;-)
There's other concerns too. If the lymph nodes are involved (unlikely, but possible), my chances of making it through the next five years with no recurrence drops down to about 65-70%, but my oncologist thinks that number is actually a little higher because of the intense chemotherapy and radiation I've already received. The bad news is that I'll get fitted with a shunt during the operation, and that I'm looking at about four months of additional chemotherapy after the surgery, and it ain't the pill form this time. So that won't be much fun. And of course I'm worried about taking so much time away from work. Will they let me come back afterwards? It's all well and good to say that they wouldn't dare let me go during convalescence from surgery, but companies do it all the time without fear of retribution. But that's not as much a worry as everything else.
I'm talking to my surgeon this coming Monday, the 2nd of July. I imagine he'll have instructions for what I'll need to do over the next week to get ready. I know for sure that after the surgery, I'll be in Kaiser for about four to five days, and then back at the house to convalesce for another four weeks after that. If you're interested in visiting, Johanna is drawing up a schedule in her post from yesterday, and I'm happy to let her take the lead on this sort of thing - she's ever more social than I am, and good at this sort of coordination.
Anyway, more bulletins as I get information.
- Mood: nervous
- Music:Queen - Bicycle Race
Things are slowly getting better, now that the chemo/radiation is over. Some days it seems like the symptoms generated from the radiation change randomly, but overall things are easing up.
Mostly.
There are days, however, when I think forward to this summer and all the anticipated fun I'll be having < / sarcasm >, and a tiny part of my brain thinks - "You know, that colostomy bag may not be such a bad thing after all."
My doctors think that this acceptance and positive attitude is commendable. I'm just wanting to have one day, ONE DAY, where I'm not in pain or discomfort. The horrible thing is that I probably won't recognize the moment until after its occurred.
Bah. Enough whining. More important things to do.
- Mood: cranky
- Music:Eric Clapton - See What Love Can Do
- Mood: sore
- Music:Cheap Trick - Mighty Wings
( Chemo/Radiation Therapy )
( It's Not *All* Bad )
( So When Is The Surgery? )
There you go. That's my life in a snapshot right now. Aside from work, I mean.
Even with all this that's going on for me physically, I'm still dragging my tired (and sore) butt to KublaCon and BayCon this weekend. Why? Because with as wiped out as I feel every day, I haven't had much social time with my friends. And I'm fed up with sitting around, watching television or goofing on my computer (although I'm all caught up on The West Wing and Heroes now, which isn't a bad thing). I want to go out and have some fun, and if I have to heavily medicate myself in order to make this work, then that's a burden I'm willing to carry. So if you're going to be at either con, keep an eye out for me and maybe I'll let you buy me a small drink. I'm a giving guy like that ;-)
And if you're at BayCon on Friday night, look around - you might see a certain general of our acquaintance stomping about, flashing his Eye Lasers of Death (TM)...word has it he's going to make *someone* do some serious kneeling...
- Music:Marti Jones - Inside These Arms
I have one primary cancer site, about 8 cm into my lower intestine. We've done multiple images through ultrasound and CT scans, and everything has come back negative for spread, meaning that this is the only site where there is any cancer. The polyp I have is considered a T3-N1 lesion, which means that it's a large tumor (which is what's causing the constipation and pain), but the N1 means that there has been no metastasis - it hasn't spread.
The surgeon believes I'm very likely to have a permanent colostomy after surgery; however, there is a small chance he will be able to complete a resection without the colostomy - that we won't know until the time of surgery when he can examine the entire colon. (A resection means that I'd still have use of my bowels without a colostomy bag.) I've got a colonoscopy scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, which will also help determine how extensive the surgery will be.
For sure I'm going to be going through a course of radiation/chemotherapy. I'm seeing a radiologist at John Muir Medical Center on Tuesday, and we'll determine the start date and the length of treatment at that time. We're not sure how long I'll be on the chemo/radiation, but surgery will probably be scheduled "six to eight weeks" out (from ending chemo/radiation). Given that the surgeon wants to see me six weeks from now, I'm assuming, but not certain, the chemo/radiation will last 6-8 weeks and then surgery will be scheduled after that. So the surgery might be around June/July - possibly earlier depending on how I respond to the chemo, his schedule, etc.
The chemo they're having me start on is called Xeloda. Unlike most other types, this is in pill form, so no injections or shunts. Also, I won't be losing my hair or facing any of the other usual side-effects, except I might get dried skin on my hands. A good hand lotion will alleviate any problems there. After the surgery I'll be looking at maybe another four to six weeks of chemo, just to make sure we got all of the little bastard.
Both the surgeon and the oncologist are of the opinion that we've caught this super early, and that the chances of getting it all and having no recurrance is in the high 90%. I'm gonna be sick for a while, that's for sure (
britgeekgrrl's father's wife is helping me get my disability paperwork together, because for sure I'm going to be out of work for about a month just before and after the surgery), but things look good otherwise.If things go as scheduled, I'm going to be getting pretty under the weather right around Kublacon, so I'm thinking it'd be a good idea now to pull my proposed game. I don't want to, but better that than putting on a bad show because I'm too sick to run the game effectively.
More posts later, as it looks to be a slow day here. Comments and cheerful distractions are most gratefully appreciated.
- Mood: exhausted
- Music:Men at Work - Who Can It Be Now?
There may be more news after the weekend, when I talk to the surgeon and oncologist. I'll keep everyone posted.
- Mood: busy
- Music:Planet P Project - I Won't Wake Up
My name is Alex Baker.
I have cancer.
( Here are the details )
- Mood: drained
- Music: Harry Gregson-Williams - The Battle
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